By Malak Shawesh, Fellow Class of 2019
Colorado State University
The expectation and standards that are presented to you about college while in high school are usually extremely different than the reality of what an individual’s college experience is supposed to be. I am not talking about the academic expectations, but more of the tribulations of figuring out what the next step in life is supposed to be. I had come out of high school with a set of ambitions I had wanted to achieve, but I did not know how to achieve them, or if I was good enough to achieve them. I had always had a personality in which I was direct about what I wanted and how far I was willing to go to achieve my expectations, but the back of my mind rested a sense of doubt presented to me from adults who were meant to guide me about whether I was in the right place or not, but I know realize that everyone at every age, race and ability carries similar doubts which is why diversity is extremely important.
Entering a college campus for me was like entering a blank slate in which I could draw whatever I wanted and that would be granted through perseverance. Before college, I was known to be outspoken and I wanted my personality to be taken a certain way. People always thought of that to be irritating which caused a sense of hesitation within myself when I pictured my future as a lawyer. I always felt that the role a lawyer presented was not something that I could ever fit into. I still loved the duties and the concept of the judicial system, but in the back of my mind I was reminded that I am not white or male, I am 5 foot 3” on a good day, and I still tear up when I argued with my family. This sense of hesitation caused me to make a snap decision of pursuing an engineering degree in case law schools did not accept me. My initial thought process was that an engineering degree was something that every industry needed and was an option I needed to fall back on. My first semester was difficult. I lived off campus, did not have any friends, and was studying a degree that I had little interest in. I quickly realized that in my classes, students were passionate about what they were doing, and although I understood what was going on, I struggled to pick up my pencil and put in care or effort into my work. I would turn in assignments with the mentality “it is what it is”. Throughout my childhood, I slowly transformed my self into someone who would attempt to please other’s expectations of me. This caused me to have an attitude that whatever I did would never be enough to achieve my goals. I always had a strong personality and interest in politics, but I never felt that I could fit into that spectrum because to my knowledge, no one like me was able to breakthrough in that field.
Through this program, my self-assurance was slightly realigned. Being exposed to diversity, allowed me to understand that the result of my career will be of what I make of it. In other words, if I wanted diversity, I needed to be the one who would work hard to break that stereotypical mold. Understanding that there are lawyers who have felt the same way as me and struggled the same way I do made me realize how important it is that our role models on television and in real life strike a slight semblance to ourselves.
