By Noah Spicer, Fellow Class of 2018
Morehouse College
One of the clearest memories I have from my senior year was when I found out classes were turning virtual, and I would not be able to walk across the stage in May. I was enjoying my Spring Break and thinking about how I was headed towards the end of my college career. Over the next month and a half, I was going to experience my last day of class in undergrad, my last debate round after an eight-year career, and my last late-night IHOP adventure with my friends. I was conflicted with sadness about transitioning out what had been the best four years of my life and the excitement of a new city, new job, and new people. But once I saw the notification of transitioning into online classes scroll across my screen, everything changed. Suddenly all the mental preparation for my "last" experiences went out of the window because they already happened. Every piece of normalcy in life had collapsed unto itself. Going to class, spending time with friends, and traveling across the United States to compete against the brightest minds to debate turned into a life of social distancing and quarantine.
After the announcement, I quickly made plans to return home to Colorado, I was home within 24 hours and away from everyone and everything I had grown to love. I was forced to adjust to a new reality that seemed to leave me dissatisfied and discontent at every corner. Learning through a webcam was impersonal and distant. Professors seemed to be piling on mounds of work to my plate, and I forgot I had a support system to deal with this new reality. I did not have the energy to be in class, and let alone do work, every assignment was a nuisance, and I did not know how to get out of this rut. I could not get out of my own head because the light at the end of the tunnel was so clouded. I wasn't able to cope with what felt like an incomplete way to experience senior year.
In my head, I struggled to reconcile how I expected things to turn out, with how they actually went. Many seniors in high school and college experience senioritis, wherein they feel a steep drop in their motivation as a result of being at the end of their academic career. When people are accepted into prestigious graduate programs or receive job offers to Fortune 500 companies, it's hard to stay in the moment even under normal circumstances. Under a quarantine, all of those emotions amplified, and I didn't know what to do. However, through all of this emotional turmoil, two people that made me feel better and remind me that I wasn't alone. I spoke to Kato and Jessie, my mentors, through Law School Yes, We Can. They took time out of their busy schedules to check in with me because, on a human level, they knew that is a difficult time for anyone but especially their college senior. I didn't know how to talk about what I was feeling, but a simple "how are you doing?" reminded me how much love and support I have in my life.
I carry a strong and deep-rooted belief that everything happens for a reason, I might not know now, but there is a reason for it. Coming home and seeing my mom and brother, taking time to find my passion, and enjoying the Colorado weather have been all positives of this experience. When things look grim, and it can be hard to find a positive, sometimes we can get too caught up in the bad which drowns out the good. I forgot to keep myself grounded and I am fortunate to have people in my life like Jessie and Kato who can help to recenter me. Eventually, things will get back to normal, I'll complete my coursework, and start my new job with Goldman Sachs there is a life after the pandemic, and I have to remember that. I could have never predicted that this is how my college career would finish. Still, I will never forget the memories I made, and I won't let senioritis, or the pandemic dampen my mood.
